Life Update: Lots Of Thinking & Homesickness

 Sooo... Errrmmm... Hi.

Yes, I do know I haven't posted a single blog post for the past ten decades. I could say anthing, from "I've been too busy to sit down and write" to "I've been on writers block" but no excuse I come up with will be entirely true. September flew by. I know everybody says that about every single month, but it's true. I feel like the last time I checked it was August and I was sitting at home watching Jersey Shore re-runs and now it's October and I'm back to wearing scarves and boots. It was an interesting month, though. It gave me a lot to think about. It gave me a lot to write about.

As you may know, we went to London. I'm going to be absolutely honest, because it's my blog and in your blog you tell the truth (totally quoting Love Actually here): It wasn't the trip of my life. I would be lying if I said I regret going - I absolutely, 100% don't. I loved it while it was happening. I laughed so hard. I enjoyed it so much. I saw my favourite band live twice, which means I sang and cried my heart out. I found out Laia and I are even more alike than I thought. All that was good fun. But we had our ups and downs and at the end of the day I was left questioning lots of things. I'm not going to get too much into that, but things that don't go as you planned can get tough to deal with, especially when you're so far away from whatever you consider your safe environment to be.

Then we went to Madrid. I think saying that the first morning we woke up there I already wanted to go back home is more than enough. Things got really bad for me. I don't really know how to talk about it without sounding like an over sensitive fool,  but it got both mentally and physically painful and I'd never, ever felt that homesick before. It would've actually been an awesome trip hadn't I been desperate to come back. As a girl who loves going away and seeing new things -and as somebody who prefers to keep things inside her head-, it felt really strange for me to have to call my mum being all "Hey, this is happening and I think there's something is wrong with me." 

It's safe to say September was a rollercoaster and I wish I could say it all ended the moment I set foot in town again. It didn't. I'm still questioning lots of things and trying to understand both mine and other people's choices and behaviour and wondering how much of it I can/want to put up with before it starts wearing me down. If you know me, you've probably heard me say that I don't care about this or that a thousand times. But the truth is that if you let them, some things actually end up getting to you. I'm a sensitive one after all... (I know, right? Who would've thought.)

The only reason I kept putting this off is because I knew if I wrote this too soon it could turn into a bitter rant. It isn't. Reading it all back I do realize that some things might sound a bit harsh, but that wasn't at all my intention. In fact, I got something positive out of all of this. I guess being able to see things from another perspective allowed me to notice that there are some people that actually are like home. They are not necessarily (and sadly) the ones you see or even talk to every day, but they're the ones who make you feel safe no matter where you/they are. And for those I will be eternally grateful.

 Hopefully, and if uni allows me to, I will start posting again soon.

Until then,